lunch today with susan. realized that i dont have an answer to give, starting spewing verbal diarrhea. put forth an attempt for her to acknowledge the dysfunctional nature in which i talk in relation to matters of faith, but i did not witness any understanding in her face. thus i was in this way denied, not in the conscious sense of her denying me an attempt to be understood, but denied in the sense of confidence  in my ability to accurately articulate the validity of my beliefs. felt completely disarmed. but the redemptive notion that one ususally feels during such experiences was absent, as the disarmament was only occurring in my half of the conversation, and i perpetuated the whole thing, gave away my entire identity to a stranger who i had almost no context for, all couched within my emotionally involved tendency to beat myself up over this inability to communicate that stems from an insecurity to provide an adequate answer to support the legitimacy of my socially awkward self-acknowledgement of Christian. 

i was stressed out about nothing. what was i stressed out about?